She Was Somebody's Baby and So Were They

Sometimes we have to take a break from the fun, sunny side of having a baby and focus on some tough stuff. A sad situation in the media this week has got me asking some questions about the future.


Since having Madi, every time I look at someone who has either been the victim or the aggressor in a situation, I think "that person was a baby once. What went wrong?" I mean, at some point I have to assume that someone was at least a little bit excited when they found out they were carrying that child. They must have felt the excitement I felt knowing I was going to have a baby . They must have had friends and family who were joyfully anticipating the arrival of that new life. At least, I like to think so. So what went wrong?


I have been having those same thoughts this week as I keep hearing about the horrific and tragic Phoebe Prince story. This beautiful girl was somebody's baby. And so were those 9 students who are being charged in her death. I can't help but wonder what went wrong in those 15 years since they were eagerly anticipated and joyfully welcomed into this world?


I guess all of these all-over-the-map emotions stem from looking down at Madi each day. I can't for the life of me imagine her growing up and being on either side of the fence. For one, it pains me to even consider that she could be bullied. Yes, at some point I know all kids are teased and to a degree it is important for them to have this experience in order not to repeat it themselves. But to the point that she does not want to continue living? 


On the other side, I look at her and I think - she can't possibly ever be that mean to somebody - can she? Does anyone ever think that their sweet baby can do something like that when they grow up? Nobody intentionally raises their baby to become a bully - so how does it happen and get to this unimaginable end?


Babies are so fun. I am having the time of my life with Madi and every day is an excellent adventure. But situations like this bring me back to reality a bit and remind me that there is the serious side of parenting that will be coming up. Things will get tough beyond changing diapers and midnight wakings. We need to ask ourselves questions such as: How will we raise our daughter so that she is not in one of these two positions?


And I guess that is my final point - our accountability. I was a little annoyed watching Dr. Phil today (sorry, there is nothing else on at 4pm!) He focused a lot on the school's role in preventing this. In this situation I admit, it sounds like they could have done more. However, I didn't hear him focus on the 18 parents and the role they played. If the school is being held accountable, why shouldn't the parents be? After all, in the words of one of my teacher friends - you've had them for 14 years, and you think I screwed them up in one? Perhaps that is a little harsh - but the school isn't to blame in the majority of situations. It takes a village, as the saying goes. Parents need to be accountable, and rather than be accountable, which implies after the fact, we should be more proactive. Raise our kids to be kinder. More tolerant.




I can only hope that I can do my part because this sweet, adorable, innocent face does not have to be bullied, or become a bully. Whether she does or does not, depends a lot on me.